This bloomin' tooth achey thingy has cost me dear!!!

Finally had it removed last week, where my tiny 6 stone lady dentist wrenched it out with all of her might, wrestling the horrid thing from my top jaw which remianed badly bruised for two days after...But all this has meant one thing I am very down about...Because of the toothach I had before it was extracted I was very hacked off that I missed my Lodge, due to the pain and the effect the painkillers were having on me, in that I was "out of it" on the bloomin' things so I could "just" function...Even after having a dose of morphine for my ulcer, at my last hospital stay that would (as my nurse put it) "knock out a bull elephant!!" I could still feel the pain. In retrospect though I should have had it done earlier as that tooth had been broken for about 2 years previous, but only started paining me about a month ago. But whats done is done and this has cost me my Raising which *was* schedualed for the 9th of April. Now although at the last Lodge my bretherin were to practice in the 3rd, because I am a Fellow Craft I would not have been admitted anyway, but this is hardly the point!! I should have been there and feel that I have let both myself down and my bretherin. Well there is nothing I can do about it now, but thinking about the day in question (when I was due to attend Lodge) I was all packed up and ready to go, when my tooth pain got to the "please tear my head off now!!!" level and I had to phone W.M Terry to let him know that I would not be able to attend and to offer my sincere apologies!!
Sometimes though things happen for a reason and I should not be too dispondent about my Raising being put back. Maybe now my Ceremony will be put back untill after the summer resess but I will now use the extra time I have left as a F.C, for more study and contemplation on my taking the Sublime degree!!!!
But for now I remain in the Middle Chamber...

In other news, the conservatory is now finished and looks absolutly gorgeous, but still has weeks to go untill it is tiled and usable as my garden spa room. The only thing that concernes me is the large gap around the base, as I am not sure it should have been left like that. I could just fill it with pepples, between the bricks on the foundations and the garden, but I am going to check with Anglian on the phone tomorrow...and thats not the only phone call I will be making as I have to bring forward my prescription at the chemist for next month due to our holiday, which I am really looking forward too!...Ahh the holiday!! well its all very well to go globetrotting all over the planet, like Derek and I have done. But what we should remember is that we have a lovely country under our noses, and holidaying here in the UK means Sirius can come with us...no jet lag...no faffing with travellers cheques...ect...But hey!! who am I kidding??? I DO miss globetrotting, and the hassle that goes with it. but I wont be parted from my dog!! :)

Trawlling through some old ELO videos this evening, I came across one of their songs that not only signified the sad demise of the awesome band, ELO but also at the same time, my first marriage to Adrian Goulding...a marriage that was never meant to be in the first place...
Looking back it was terribly sad as Adi had just lost his mum to breast cancer the same year he met me (1984) and one afternoon his dad was showing us some old family slides of his mum and I was really taken aback at just how much she had looked just like me. To be honest when I first saw those grainy pictures I got an icey shivver down my back, and realised with some dergee of horror that the only thing Adrian was looking for in me was a substitute for his mum!!!!!!!...Even now over 25 years later I am so sorry to say I was right!!!
It had been a evening when he had been on a night shift at the met office at Manchester airport, and I was alone in our cold, heartless house in New Mills in Derbyshire. The house was a tip!!! and I was basically living upstairs with Adi's ever growing computer bits and bobs and all I had for my comfort was my tv, video and my hi fi!!!....I would never sleep on those lonely night shift, nights...and just stay up all night untill he came home at 9am. One night it was late and I was listening to ELO's Ballance of Power Album and "Getting to the point" came on, and I got that same forboading shivver down my back as I slowly began to realise, I was living through, and watching my 15 month marriage crumble to nothing...

The Lyrics to this song say "exactly" what I was thinking and feeling a the time, which was sometime in early 1988
Here they are in full:

It's out of control (out of control)
And there's nothing I can do now
Out of control (out of control)
Spinning softly through the blue now
And look beyond these walls
As the meaning starts to dawn
It's getting to the point
Getting to the point.

It's out of control (nothing I can do)
Like a fire that keeps on burning
And nobody knows (what I'm going through)
And the thoughts just keep returning
And all you had to say
Was that you were gonna stay
It's getting to the point
Getting to the point.

CHORUS:
It's getting to the point
Where nobody can stop it now
It's getting to the point
Of no return
And all that I can do
Is stand and watch it now
Watch it burn, burn, burn
It's getting to the point
Where reasons are forgotten
It's getting to the point
Where no one knows
And all that I can do
Is say I'm sorry
But that's the way it goes...

Getting to the point.

Forever
Is a long, long way
Forever
Takes your breath away
I'd like to talk about it, try to understand
It's getting to the point
Getting to the point.

REPEAT CHORUS

It's getting to the point (getting to the point)
Getting to the point (getting to the point)
It's getting to the point (getting to the point)
Getting to the point.

****This is my ONLY remiaing photo of my first wedding day!! (thank goodness!!) I was just 18 years old and Adi was 21*****



(I divorced him on the grounds of his adultery in October 1988)

Later (and when I am in the right frame of mind for re-running these events) I will write them here in the hope that some young ladies might read and learn from my mistakes...and I have made many.......



**Music and lyrics are copyright of Jeff Lynne

Had my test (tummy biopsy) at the hospital yesterday and it was so very painfull I came home, took a heap of painkillers and was in bed by 9pm!! This morning I am ok though, and I am just glad its all done with, and hope I dont have to go back to hospital again.
The building on the conservatory has started in earnest now and my lovely garden resembles a builders yard at he moment!! Today the builders have had a break as the concrete foundations need to set, but it should be finished earlier next week (I hope)...and even then we have to wait six weeks before we get the floor tiled!! I have decided on a black and white chess board pattern!! Partly because it will be less costly than my original mosaic idea, and partly because I would like a Masonic feel to it. Derek has agreed, but we still have to find a decent tiler to do it for us, but at least we have 6 weeks to find someone!
Spent this morning cleaning out the spa and refilling it...but Derek recons I should leave it empty for 6 weeks as it will be difficult to empty and refill once the conservatory is up. Like HELL!!!! I am certainly not going to go six whole weeks without my evening hot bubble session!! *digs in heels defiantly* So I have refilled it, cleaned the filter and now its heating again (will add chlorine later too) but will take over a day to come up to 40 degrees. When the time comes I can compleatly drain it and with the help of some neighbours, haul it about 15 feet into the conservatory. I am still hoping to get a waterproof tv for in there too, but Derek sees this as a costly enterprise so I will just have to order one over the net and sneak it onto my credit card!! I can deal with Derek's wrath with my special leek, bacon and potato bake with roast cheese topping! (his favorite) or I will never hear the last of it! It was his birthday yesterday (54) so I cooked us an early evening dinner to celebrate, but was really not feeling too good because of the dull ach in my tummy where the Doctor took my biopsy from. Anyway its our holiday soon, and fingers crossed my ulcer wont bother me! I have planned lots of "seeing and doing" while we are in Dorset and being bothered by this bloody ulcer is certainly not on my list!!
That about it for now!
Sirius needs a good brushing and I must get dinner ready for his lordship!!! Tonight (and because the spa wont yet be hot enough) I am going to have a long soak in the bath and have a jacket potato and sour cream and chives for supper (ulcer friendly) watch Corrie and have another early night!!

back soon x

Just been watching the local news and there was an investigation on there about an elderly lady who, while in the James Paget hospital, had fallen out of her chair twice!! breaking her hip on both occasions and was later to die due to lack of care!! The ladies daughter had even recieved a letter from the hospial saying that her mother was doing well and would soon be allowed home!!! - AFTER she had been dead a month!!
This is beyond disgracefull!!!!!!
It should not be happening in 2010 in our UK hospitals...but horrifically it IS, and I have seen it too!!!

This week I have to go back for tests for my ulcer and I am dreading it because of the horrible memories I have got from my two recent stays in Northampton general. For those who don't know, I have a lower gastrestinal cyst/ ulcer that made an appearence at Christmas last year in the form of my vomiting blood and having blood stool. I was rushed in as an emergency on the first occasion as it was suspected that I had a life threatening internal bleed, but fortunatly this was not the case....However my treatment while in hospital was absolutly awful!! and my second stay a month later was worse!! During the first stay I was moved to 3 different wards in less than 24 hours and all I was given for pain relife was paracetamol, while I was in agony!! I was not seen by a Doctor for over a day, and the only time I saw a nurse was to take my obs (observations of blood pressure ect) or to change my drip. If I wanted the loo or anything thing else I had to ring the bell which I felt really guilty about, and woo betide me asking for a cup of tea!! as I would be told "I am a nurse its not my job! ask the tea lady on her rounds!" with a really evil look!! Also because I was taken in as an emergency in an ambulance I did not have my medication on me, on the first night so I did not have my zopiclone sleeping pills!! So on my first night I asked a nurse if I could have some but she abruptly told me I would have to present a "current" prescription to *prove* I was prescribed them by a Doctor!!! Shit!!! she made me feel like a drug addict!!!!!!!!! It was horrible!! and to make matters worse I diden't have my mobile so I could not phone Derek to ask him to bring me some!! As it is I am on a repete prescrition (monthly) so I dont actually have a "paper" prescription!!.......and a month later I was back again but on a different ward!! The second stay was far worse as regards care and not just for me, but for my fellow patiencts too!! Again the only time I saw a nurse was to do the hourly obs (unless I called) I had made sure this time they had been informed of my prescription but they dident have the right dose for me either!!!...Then there were two fellow patients who suffered along with me. The first was a young girl with suspected appendicitius who was crying out very loudly in obvious pain, but non of the nursing staff took any notice of her!!! The second and across the ward from me was an elderly lady with a fractured hip, and twice she was not given the food she had ordered for lunch, and told to choose somthing else! Whats the point of filling out the menu cards!!!!??.. The second time the lady had ordered sausage and she was told they had non so she was offered some alternatives all of which she wearily declined, and I dident blame her!! The food was absolutly vile!!!!! One morning breakfast was not served untill nearly 10am and the coffee was stone cold and liken to gravey!! Now the ward I was on which was called "Knightly ward" is a million miles from anywhere in the huge spralling rabbit warren that is Northampton hospital, but this coffee was so dreadfull I took it on myself to haul my carcas out of my tiny rock hard hospital bed, and take the 45 minute round walk to the coffee shop in the entrance!!! It was painfull but worth it!!! I got the equivelant of a pint of American hot coffee, sweet and gorgeous!! But because of the distance of the walk back I had nearly drank it all by the time I got back to my ward!!!
"Where have you been? The Doctor has just been to see you!!! your not supposed to leave the ward!!" Sister Zeig heil squarked at me!!!
" Well if we were served brakfast on time, and the coffee was drinkable, I would not have left the ward, would I?!" I retorted, angrily!!!
But later that day she had revenge.......
At 3pm I was due to go down for a gastroscopy (camera down the throte) and so I sat patiently waiting to be collected with my tummy rumbling loudly as I was not allowed lunch, because I was having this proceadure. By 4 pm I was still waiting but I had asked the nurse if I could have my dinner on my return as I was starving bloodly hungry!! She said yes and I filled out the menu card, like a good little girl. Eventually I was wheeled down to have my camera about 20 minutes later, but I was still kept waiting another 2 hours before I was wheeled in and seen too!!! Then I had to wait another hour before a porter could be located, to wheel me back up to my ward. It was nearly 6pm by the time I got back, and my long awaited dinner was nowhere to be seen........I asked an orderly where my dinner was and the young lad just looked vacant (as young lads do!) and said he would find out. An older man came over and explained to me that he was not given any intructions for my food and said all he could offer was cottage pie!! I greatfully accepted but what I was given was some non-discript dollop of brown and yellow that I would have been ashamed to have given to Sirius, my dog!!! AND it was stone cold!!!!!!! Well by now I was fuming!!! and to top it all I found out that the old lady had not had any food all day!! I blew my top and called for the ward sister and I really laid into her as politly as possible!
"I know its not your fault but I have had no palatabel hot food all day, and the lady over there has had nothing either!! This just is not acceptable!!" I explained, making a point that I was going to make a formal complaint!!
Later that evening I was reprived when my mum and Derek brought me sandwiches and crisps...hardly healthy for someone with an ulcer, but marginaly better than the pig-swill I had been insulted with!! I was later to stomp down in the lift to have a much needed ciggie outside reception, feeling I had been treated like a piece of meat and not an ill human being a all!!!
Now dont write me off as just an old moaning grump! But I thought nurses were suppose to "nurse" their patients, and care for their needs and help them get better!! Not ignore them!! and surely part of a patients recovery is down to being served half decent food, so they may build up strength!! Instead, myself and the old lady were left neglected and hungry...I was discharged the day after (bet they were glad to see the back of me) but I dread to think how the old dear was treated after I left, to say nothing of the young girl who was writhing in agony without pain relif!!! I have no idea what has happend to hospital care in this country but I have recieved better care when I have been ill in 3rd world countries!! and I really do mean BETTER CARE!!!....there should simply be NO PLACE for neglect and complacency in the nursing profession in the UK today!!!!!!
We are certainly in a sorry state if our nurses stop caring.........and the sad thing is, I think they already have........